Sex and Love

Making love and having sex

Why do men use the term “having sex” while women often say “making love”? Does this just mean that men and women attach different importance to intercourse?

And even if some women like sex for its own sake outside a long term relationship, do women generally prefer sex to be with someone they love, whereas will men generally take it wherever they can get it?

Something that seems to back this up is that in surveys, men claim many more sexual partners than women. Does this mean a small number of highly sexy women have sex with a lot of men, or does it just mean that men are lying?

If the men are lying, could it actually be that both men and women would prefer to be in a long term commitment where their sexual and emotional needs are met? I don’t know. And maybe that’s the point – for women, there more often needs to be an emotional aspect to the connection as well as a physical one, whereas for men it just isn’t as crucial in making that decision about whether or not to have sex with someone.

A gay friend once said how unfair he thought it that gay men had been stereotyped as promiscuous (although of course there is a lot of truth in that assertion); he said that if there were places where straight men could have gotten sex as easily as gay men in the heyday of the sexual liberation of the seventies and eighties, pre-AIDS, there would have been a queue right around the block.

For men, there is something extraordinarily arousing about seeing a woman desperate for the culmination of lovemaking, begging her man to put his penis inside her, or to tease her by stimulating her even more with fingers and tongue.

Most women are not turned on anything like they could be, and they do not get the pleasure from sex that they could, and it seems one of the reasons for this is that men do not know how to turn them on. The level of sheer primal desire a woman can feel during sex makes it so much better for both partners – actually, that is an understatement of woeful proportions.

Now, are you dying to know how we achieve these incredible levels of sexual fulfillment? The answer is to spend enough time making love before the penis goes into her vagina with simple techniques that stimulate her whole body – things like sensuous massage, but especially genital massage around her vulva, clitoris and lastly inside her vagina – especially on her G spot.

Video – sexual skills for men

This, more than any other single thing, turns a woman on more intensely than anything else. But you can make love to your beloved in many ways: a look across the breakfast table that says “I’m glad you’re here”, a shared moment of intimacy, a kiss on some part of her body when we wake up snuggled more-or-less together, the murmured words “I love you” in a quiet moment, the surprise bunch of flowers, or romantic weekend away. And of course just being there for her, and doing things for her, and sharing parts of your lives.

Sex and Love – Mistakes Men make During Sex

If you thought the path to sexual happiness was simple, look at this list of sexual blunders made by men when they’re enjoying sex. If any of them seem familiar, you need to sharpen up on your bedroom etiquette! And this link takes you to 6 sex mistakes women make.

1) Thinking her vulva, clitoris or breasts are the first places to go when you enjoy sex

A woman is more likely to be irritated than sexually aroused when a man heads for her breasts and vulva after a bit of kissing.

Be sensitive and touch her sexual areas only when she’s sexually aroused. If you go for her breasts when you get her into bed and twiddle her nipples like you’re tuning a radio receiver, you’re not going to get the right signals.

Video – sex mistakes men make

2) Not knowing how to kiss romantically and forcefully like a man

Passionate kissing is an art form which eases you both into the main event of sex and cultivates intimacy. Learn how to kiss your woman, and do it well.

That wouldn’t include sticking your tongue between her teeth and wiggling it around like you’re trying to clean her teeth.

3) Being too rough when you touch her sensitive parts and erogenous zones

Men like to have a firm touch applied to their penis. But if you approach her clitoris with the same as you apply to your penis when you’re treating Mr. Happy to a quick morning massage, she’s likely to howl with pain – and then she’ll probably kick you out of bed. The clitoris has twice as many nerves as the penis, so it’s very sensitive. Treat it accordingly.

4) Not stroking her body as well as her mind

A woman’s biggest sex organ is her mind. That is where she gets much of her sexual pleasure. The next biggest is her skin. If you were thinking of anything else, think again. For her, sex is all about making connection. And that includes skin to skin connection. An hour spent massaging her will awaken her to her need for sex and almost certainly guarantee she has an orgasm one way or another.

So ensure you focus on putting your sexual energy into your fingers while you massage her. That means not thinking distractedly about the baseball game while you’re oiling her up.

5) Locking onto her nipples like a teething suckling child

Tempting though it may be to suck on her breasts, she’s not going to want you reminding her of the last time a teething child bit into her nipple.

Kiss all around her breasts and gently work towards her nipple, licking it with your tongue and maybe sucking it between your lips when she’s really aroused. If she likes what you’re doing, you’ll know by her moans of pleasure.

6) Biting or blowing on her ear or her neck because you think it’s sexy

Very few women seem to find this exciting. Your time would be better spent searching out her sensitive zones elsewhere.

7) Leaving a kiss bite on her neck – or anywhere else it can be seen

If you’re an adult, this is a no-no. If you need to know why, you’re obviously under age and you shouldn’t be having sex.

8) Not shaving (your face!) before sex

Think back to the last time you gave oral sex to a woman with a few days’ stubble around her vulva. Now imagine that stubble brushing back and forth on your face in the mad throes of passionate kissing. Enough said?

9) Not washing your armpits and genitals before you make love

Even if you have what the French call a tart’s wash, make sure you’re a smell-free zone when you enter the bedroom. (In case you need to know – that’s washing your penis, balls, ass, and armpits.)

10) Forgetting that real foreplay starts a long time before sex begins

No woman wants to be taken for granted. If you touch her lovingly all day, show how much you love her, and take the trouble to make sure she knows you’re thinking of her, she’ll be ready to melt into your arms in the evening. Leaving loving little notes where she’ll find them is also a good idea. But make sure they are romantic!

11) Penetrating her vagina before she’s ready

Yes, we know you want to get into her. But hold on. Take your time, let events move at their own pace, and only pluck the fruit when you know it’s really ripe and dripping juice.

While men forget that women like to be entered just as much as men (which is just as well, when you think how much men like to stick things up a woman), she’ll only want penetration when she’s aroused enough to enjoy it.

So as you finger her clit, you can check out her vagina. If it’s moist and open, she may well be receptive to a finger on her G-spot. Start gently and apply a firmer touch as you go. If you don’t know what the G-spot is, go check it out on Google.

12) Going straight to her clitoris during oral sex cunnilingus or masturbation

Most women just find this irritating – and very uncomfortable too, if the clit isn’t aroused and slippery.

Work from around her labia, the lips around her vulva, towards the clitoris as she gets more aroused. Even then, a subtle touch along the shaft of her clitoris around to the side of the clitoral head may be better for her.

13) Stopping when she wants you to keep stimulating her clit till she comes

If she’s almost at orgasm she certainly won’t want you to stop whatever you’re doing, whether it’s with your penis, your fingers or your tongue.

Since cunnilingus is hard on the tongue, we suggest you make sure your hands are ready in reserve if you get a bad case of cramp. If she’s not saying much, she may be lying there silent because she’s got lost in her excitement, not because you’re licking ineffectively at her vulva.

But then again, how would you know? She may be so excited by what you’re doing that she shows it by pressing her vulva more firmly against your mouth, in which case carry on with your stimulation.

If she gives off an aura that she’d rather be cooking the dinner, you need to think of something else. Like asking her what she wants, maybe?

14) Undressing her like a clumsy young man

Listen up guys: you don’t have to take her bra off with one hand blindfold in the dark while you kiss her. That’s what a guy who’s having sex for the first time tends to think Indeed, she might well appreciate it more if you let her disrobe. Nothing about an underwear fumble is funny, especially if it interrupts the romance. Let her take off the clothes you don’t know about and when you do help, make it look like you’re delicately removing her garments rather than pulling at her clothes like you can’t wait to fuck her – even if you that’s true.

15) Looking like a klutzy clown in the bedroom

Nothing is more comical to a woman than a man wearing his underpants and socks. Why this should be so remains a mystery, since it seems so natural to a man to undress like that. However, if you don’t want her to take pity on you, take off your socks first.

16) Expecting her to shave her pubes for you

Yes, we know you like the smooth look around her vulva, but if she’s not into shaving, don’t put pressure on her to smooth it out for you. There are few things less comfortable than itchy stubble in the pubes. If you want to see more and have easier access to her pussy, ask her to lightly trim the hair.

17) Entering her vagina without asking her first

Such a controversial idea! And yet so nice – occasionally, at least – to be romantic and ask “May I enter you?” This can be a very exciting and loving way to go if you’re looking deep into her eyes.

Needless to say, that’s most likely to happen in the missionary, which, by the way, remains everyone’s most popular position for sex.

And then again, there are times when you can just sense the moment for penetration – but always remember not to let your judgment be affected by your desire to fuck here. Yes, we know it feels very nice. But be a man – and make sure she’s ready first.

18) Probing around her vulva or her clit or anywhere else with your penis if you can’t get in

This will turn her off at once – guaranteed. If you can’t find the way in (it happens) on your own, tell her what’s going on and ask her to guide your penis in. There’s no shame in that, but acting like a clown can ruin sex for you both.

And anyway, think how much time you’ll save if she just puts it in for you.

If you want anal sex in any position, ask her, don’t just force your penis into the wrong opening “By accident”!

19) Pumping away with your cock without regard for her pleasure

Now you’re in! Hurrah! But what will you do next? Pump away heartily till you ejaculate? Bad idea…..surely you’ll want to show a certain consideration for her pleasure? Start with slow and shallow thrusts.

When you make love, she’ll like it best if you act masculine and strong: be confident, know what you’re doing, be considerate and gentle at first, and work up to harder and more vigorous thrusts if she makes it clear that’s what she wants (as in “oh, yes, fuck me harder!”).

20) Expecting her to willingly offer her rear end for doggie style sex

It’s a male thing, the desire for rear entry sex. Mostly. Then again, there will be times when the mood takes her and she just wants the naughty, raunchy feeling of rear entry sex.

In between, you might get it on your birthday, if you’re lucky. And if you do persuade her to indulge you, don’t make the mistake of slapping her rump like you’re spurring her on to buck harder and faster.

21) Thrusting too hard when you have a long, long penis

If you happen to have a big penis, restrain yourself as you thrust, or you might hear her shriek as you hit her cervix. This will not, probably, be a shriek of sexual pleasure. It may, however, signal the end of your pleasure for the moment.

22) Rapid ejaculation – premature ejaculation to you – is not the mark of a good lover

Very few men have the endurance that allows them to really satisfy a woman who enjoys vaginal intercourse and thrusting against her G-spot. You can improve your endurance with self help exercises, but if you just can’t be bothered, at least have the consideration to keep going for at least long enough to give her some satisfaction.

Do some research on how to stop rapid ejaculation and you might last a bit longer in bed.

23) Not coming at all – delayed ejaculation

Delayed ejaculation is not the gift of the gods that you might think. Your partner won’t see it as any kind of blessing, either, when her cunt is bone dry, she’s bored out of her mind and you still aren’t anywhere near ejaculating.

So if you are one of the men who have trouble reaching orgasm caused by ejaculation problems, then this treatment for retarded ejaculation will help you have a normal sex life. The quicker you get treated, the sooner she’ll be able to enjoy sex with you!

24) Losing your hard-on when you put the condom on

If you’re one of the many men who find that Mr Happy goes to sleep when the condom makes an appearance, it’s back to Google for you. Try a search on “losing erection when putting on a condom” and see if there are any tips to keep your erection.

25) Not giving her oral sex to orgasm

I haven’t yet met a man who didn’t like the idea of going down on a woman, so any reservations must be about her scent or taste. If she’s a bit ripe, then suggest a shower as part of foreplay.

Remember that oral sex is actually a pretty sure fire way to orgasm for many women, especially those who can’t reach orgasm during intercourse or who are pre-orgasmic.

If all you’re interested in is getting her to suck your cock and you won’t do the same in return, reading these tips isn’t going to help you much anyway.

26) Failing to give her pleasure if you have premature ejaculation

By the way, you should make sure that your woman has an orgasm before you do. She doesn’t want to lie awake next to you as you snore gently after a big orgasm while she’s still frustrated because she hasn’t come.

We men lose interest in sex once we’ve come – so make sure she comes through oral sex or masturbation before you enter her. That way, she gets to have an orgasm, and you can enjoy her vagina when it’s aroused and tumescent after she’s come.

Don’t just penetrate her, thrust and ejaculate before going to sleep. How boorish can you be? And if you are interested in preventing premature ejaculation, make sure you do something about it.

27) Trying to make her give you fellatio by forcing her head down

She decides if she wants to give you oral sex, not you. Forcing her head towards your penis is as bad as forcing your penis towards her vagina when she says “no”. If she doesn’t seem to be interested and you’d like a bit of oral pleasure, just say to her: “Could you just do something for me….”

And when she is giving you fellatio, keep your hands off her head. That way you’ll avoid the temptation to grab her and start giving her an involuntary lesson in deep throat technique. However, stroking her hair gently is acceptable.

Trying to make it look like you’re stroking her hair when all you want to do is move it so you can see her gobbling you is not nice.

28) Ejaculating in her mouth without checking first

The taste of your ejaculate is very much an acquired taste; unfortunately it’s one that few women like to acquire. A great way of getting around this is for you to have her keep going with her mouth until the last minute, then tell her that you’re going to ejaculate.

She can then move back and complete the job with a well-lubed hand.

You’ll get just as much sensation, while she’s spared the taste of your semen. But “accidentally” forgetting to tell her you’re going to come is not good etiquette. if you want to experiment, try eating some pineapple before she gives you a blow job. It’s said to improve the flavor of semen.

29) Looking at hard core pornography

Yes, I know some women like it, but most porn available today is pretty abusive of women, and a lot of it’s lacking any sense of morality.

You can make a choice which side you’re on for or against the abuse of women who feature in porn – and a difficult choice it is, since most of us can so easily shut off a sense of right and wrong when turned on by fairly disgusting porno. The fact that porn turns you on and gives you a good orgasm doesn’t make it right to look at it, though.

If you want her to share it, ask her first, and get hold of some romantic sex movies that will appeal to her emotions as well as her sex drive. (And this spare you the shame of knowing you’re part of the porn problem.)

30) Apologizing for the size of your penis

She isn’t interested in the size of your erect or flaccid penis, even if you are. All she wants is to feel loved and cherished. Remember that 99% of women want a caring lover, not one with a large penis. The other 1% aren’t likely to be your kind of girl anyway.

31) Telling her what your last lover did for you

White lies may be best. When she asks you if her butt is too big, what do you say? Enough said. Your current lover is the most gorgeous, sexy and desirable one you ever met. Your past lover didn’t come close. Even if she doesn’t really believe it, that’s what she wants to hear.

32) Suggesting her best friend joins you for sex

Threesomes can be very arousing, in fact, but they nearly always end in tears. What usually happens is that surprising jealousy bites someone’s butt and then the fireworks start. So be sure, be very sure, you know what you’re doing before you try this one.

33) Making her do all the work during sex

Changing sex positions is great, but asking her to sit on you every single time you have sex seems a bit one sided. Vary your sexual positions, have fun, and make sure you do equal work. And don’t use one position over and over – that can get very boring.

34) Trying to slip it in her “accident”

If you do want to experiment with a bit of anal sex action, go slowly. And discuss it first. She’s not likely to believe your penis is poking her rear end by accident. And even if she’s seen you drive around aimlessly when you’re lost, rather than ask for directions, she won’t believe you when you say you lost your way en route to her cunt.

As for her anus in general, well, when you’re fingering her clitoris, and your finger is in her vagina, you may find that a little anal stimulation goes down well. Use your little finger to press gently at her anus as your other finger plays with her G spot and you stimulates her clitoris.

This may get her more excited if she’s on the verge of coming. But if you try this before she’s so aroused she’s stopped caring what you’re doing, you might turn her off completely.

35) Photographing or videoing your lovemaking

This is not a good idea. Instead link your video camera direct to your television set without recording the images so you can see yourself having sex on the TV now, and not view the pictures on the internet in a few years’ time.

36) Getting into a sexual rut

Making changes when you have sex will keep your sex life exciting and passionate. You’ll be surprised just how exciting it is to try different sex positions from time to time.

Every sex position puts a different pressure on the penis and vagina, and lets you see your partner’s body in a new way, or allows you to see yourself entering your partner’s body. Variation is good! Search on Google for “sex positions”.

37) Not romancing her

Men put up with romance to get sex. Women love romance because it shows how much their partner loves them. Ah. Truly, different strokes for different folks!

The romantic game is deeply rewarding for most men (i.e. nothing feels better than seducing and winning a woman – except having sex with her), and romance is part of that process. If you can be romantic when you’re a couple, then you show yourself to be a good lover, a kind companion, and besides all that you stand that much greater chance of getting regular, passionate sex.

38) Watching too many porn films

Don’t copy the moves you see in pornography. They aren’t to most women’s taste. If you don’t know why, well, maybe you need to mature a bit before you actually make love to a woman.

39) Deafening her by shouting in her ear when you ejaculate during sex

This is an easy mistake to make in the missionary position when you’re holding her close. Remember not to let the world know when you ejaculate. Bury your face in the pillow or something if you’re prone to uncontrollable vocal ejaculations as well as physical ones.

40) Talking dirty without checking if she likes it

Dirty talks makes sex good! The first time she tells you to fuck her hot wet cunt you’ll see what I mean. If that hasn’t happened yet, and you’d like it to, encourage her to say a few rude thing when you’re making love, perhaps by trying them out yourself first, and see how it goes.

You might be surprised – when a woman’s feeling aroused, she’s often ready to do things that seem quite out of character.

41) Ejaculating on her when she least expects it

Ejaculating between her breasts or on her vulva or between her buttocks can be incredibly exciting, but it’s a good idea to ask her first. She may be less impressed with your ejaculation than you are, especially if it involves the need to clean up bits of herself.

42) Not cleaning up after sex or dropping the condom on the floor

Sex involves two people – so does the clean up. Keep tissues handy, offer her a warm towel to clean herself if you aren’t using condoms. If you are, don’t drop it on the floor as a little souvenir for her to find later!

43) Not telling her how beautiful she is and how much you love her

Tell her you love her. There are lots of other men who’d be very happy to be where you’ve just been. If you don’t express your appreciation, they might just get in there.